I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
