dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
