UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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