Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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