Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
