I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
either way he was missing a nipple.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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