Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
