Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Randomize