Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
