I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
