So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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