She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
