sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
