Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
