The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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