The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We left the knife in your bed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
