Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize