Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
its liver damage thursday
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
