Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
