hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
