sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
