If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
