life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
