You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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