guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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