tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do vagina's smell?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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