We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
