nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
