I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
