It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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