So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
