it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
