I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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