My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
