I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
