I want to walk on stilts...naked
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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