So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize