She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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