Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
