So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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