thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
