Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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