I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
