Don't make out with my wife yet
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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