I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
