I wish I could teleport
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
