I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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