guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
