I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
