dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
