We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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