I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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