I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
