Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
