are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
