There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
