you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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