Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
