You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
