my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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