would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
