Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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