Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
