When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
