Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
