he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
