I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
