Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize