Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
