So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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