Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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