i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
