Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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