We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
