I molested 6 butterflies tonight
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
