will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
True strength comes from lack of pants
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
